Prrrosti- tootin'

The other day some Columbian dude- a friend of a friend- asked me what my new job was. 

I told him that I planned on becoming a prostitute. (LAUGHS)

He asked me my going rate and I said £50. (LAUGHS)

I assumed that we were having ALL the laughs until he sidles up to me later, tells me he has £50 and asks if I could meet him in his bedroom in ten. 

This is the third time in my life that I have been mistaken for a prostitute. 

Maybe the joke's over. 

Yellow- bellied

Today I tried to buy someone a sweetie snake. The long foamy fruity chewy ones. So I went to WH Smith and picked up the one with the biggest grin. I took it over to the counter where a women with scraped back hair and a serious gullet was sticking boxes onto other boxes. After five minutes of carefully ignoring me, she eventually looked up and squawked 'Yi cannae hev wan hen, howma ginny weight it?' and before my very eyes she yoinked the dangly confectionary out of my hand, rolled it into a ball and plopped it into the bin.

Pot bellied

Reading about the history of Diets (in order to get me in the mood for beating my friend) whilst eating Vanilla Vegan Ice Cream with bananas, maple syrup and crunchy cereal bits. Very happy right now.

Stole this picture RIGHT off the article. Yoink!

Girls just wanna have fun

 I was asked to do a performance for the recent Engendering Dialogue symposium held in Dundee on the 30th and 31st of March 2012. I have been looking at the classic anthem sung by Cyndi Lauper 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' for a while now. I love the fact that it was originally written by a guy named Robert Hazard and was originally slightly misogynist through the way it portrayed woman. Lauper changed the lyrics and became a feminist icon. She reclaimed the lyrics and re-appropriated the song, imbuing it with new meaning. I watched the video and played the song constantly, singing at the top of my voice when no one was watching. For the performance I decided to make public this very private moment, listening to the song at top volume on my Ipod and belting out the lyrics in front of an audience whilst wearing my pyjamas.

I can't sing by the way, but damn it felt good.

Cherry chocolate cake on my chin

Today I didn't eat this vegan cherry and chocolate cake.
But I did eat a very similar version from T Ann Cake, bought for me by my lovely lovely friend.
It made my day better and my face fatter.

This means that I am going to lose the calorie bet, but if I am going down, I am going down in style, with chocolate all over my happy fat face.

picture from cookieandkate.com