Prrrosti- tootin'

The other day some Columbian dude- a friend of a friend- asked me what my new job was. 

I told him that I planned on becoming a prostitute. (LAUGHS)

He asked me my going rate and I said £50. (LAUGHS)

I assumed that we were having ALL the laughs until he sidles up to me later, tells me he has £50 and asks if I could meet him in his bedroom in ten. 

This is the third time in my life that I have been mistaken for a prostitute. 

Maybe the joke's over. 

Yellow- bellied

Today I tried to buy someone a sweetie snake. The long foamy fruity chewy ones. So I went to WH Smith and picked up the one with the biggest grin. I took it over to the counter where a women with scraped back hair and a serious gullet was sticking boxes onto other boxes. After five minutes of carefully ignoring me, she eventually looked up and squawked 'Yi cannae hev wan hen, howma ginny weight it?' and before my very eyes she yoinked the dangly confectionary out of my hand, rolled it into a ball and plopped it into the bin.